mirror of
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ef68878b22
NOTE: The scrapper was previously included, but due to the website it scrapped being dead it's no longer useful. See #3642 for the code. Co-authored-by: Marc CornellΓ <marc.cornella@live.com>
2544 lines
111 KiB
Text
2544 lines
111 KiB
Text
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
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Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norrisβ beard. There is only another fist.
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In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
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Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
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Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
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Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
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Chuck Norris doesnβt wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
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Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
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Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
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Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
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The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
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Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
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Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
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Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
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Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
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Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
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Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
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The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
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Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
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The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
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What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
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Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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Chuck Norris doesnβt wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
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Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
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Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
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Chuck Norris can win in a top spinning tournament with a cube
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Beware of dogs... Dogs, beware of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can dig a hole in air.
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The apple falls far from the tree, when a roundhouse kick is taken to the trunk.
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Chuck Norris - the new standard.
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Chuck Norris told me to put this here.
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Chuck Norris doesn't exhale. The air runs desperately scared out of his lungs.
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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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When Chuck Norris goes to rodeos, bulls ride him.
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Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets. He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
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The meaning of life is Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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If God doesn't know, Chuck does
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Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
|
||
%
|
||
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
|
||
%
|
||
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
|
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%
|
||
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
|
||
%
|
||
There is no chin behind Chuck Norrisβ beard. There is only another fist.
|
||
%
|
||
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
|
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%
|
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Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
|
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%
|
||
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris doesnβt wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
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%
|
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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%
|
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Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
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%
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Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
|
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%
|
||
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
|
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%
|
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If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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%
|
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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
|
||
%
|
||
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
|
||
%
|
||
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
|
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%
|
||
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
|
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%
|
||
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
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%
|
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Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
|
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%
|
||
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
|
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%
|
||
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
|
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%
|
||
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
|
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%
|
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Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
|
||
%
|
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Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
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%
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The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
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%
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
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%
|
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Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
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%
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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%
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
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%
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The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
|
||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
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%
|
||
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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||
%
|
||
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
|
||
%
|
||
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
|
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%
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||
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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%
|
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
|
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%
|
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Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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%
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||
Chuck Norris doesnβt wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
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%
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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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%
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Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
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%
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Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
|
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%
|
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Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
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%
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
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%
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