Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy fortune plugin

plugins/hitchhiker/.gitignore

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+fortunes/hitchhiker.dat

plugins/hitchhiker/LICENSE

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+License: GPL v2
+Thanks to http://www.k-lug.org/~kessler/projects.html for the fortune file.

plugins/hitchhiker/fortunes/hitchhiker

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+"`...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call 
+attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling 
+anyone or anything.'
+`But the plans were on display...'
+`On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to 
+find them.'
+`That's the display department.'
+`With a torch.'
+`Ah, well the lights had probably gone.'
+`So had the stairs.'
+`But look you found the notice didn't you?'
+`Yes,' said Arthur, `yes I did. It was on display in the 
+bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused 
+lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The 
+Leopard".'"
+
+- Arthur singing the praises of the local council planning department. 
+%
+"`Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.'
+`Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the 
+"Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'"
+
+- Ford convincing Arthur to drink three pints in ten minutes at lunchtime. 
+%
+"`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking 
+low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of 
+Thursdays.'" 
+
+- Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth. 
+%
+"Pages one and two [of Zaphod's presidential speech] had 
+been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had 
+already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form 
+of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed 
+largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossible for 
+a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran 
+Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of 
+the species but wanted no truck with it." 
+
+- An example of Damogran wildlife. 
+%
+"`How do you feel?' he asked him.
+`Like a military academy,' said Arthur, `bits of me keep 
+passing out.'" ....
+`We're safe,' he said.
+`Oh good,' said Arthur.
+`We're in a small galley cabin,' said Ford, `in one of the 
+spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.'
+`Ah,' said Arthur, `this is obviously some strange usage of 
+the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.'
+
+- Arthur after his first ever teleport ride. 
+%
+"`The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick 
+your finger down his throat...'" 
+
+- The Book, on one of the Vogon's social inadequacies. 
+%
+"`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. 
+It's unpleasantly like being drunk.'
+`What's so unpleasant about being drunk?'
+`You ask a glass of water.'"
+
+- Arthur getting ready for his first jump into hyperspace. 
+%
+"`You know,' said Arthur, `it's at times like this, when 
+I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, 
+and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I 
+really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I 
+was young.'
+`Why, what did she tell you?'
+`I don't know, I didn't listen.'"
+
+- Arthur coping with certain death as best as he could. 
+%
+"`Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.'" 
+
+- Arthur experiences the improbability drive at work. 
+%
+"`I think you ought to know that I'm feeling very 
+depressed.'"
+"`Life, don't talk to me about life.'"
+"`Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to 
+take you down to the bridge. Call that "job satisfaction"? 
+'Cos I don't.'"
+"`I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my 
+left side.'"
+
+- Guess who. 
+%
+"`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I 
+want it caught and shot now.'" 
+
+- Zaphod. 
+%
+"`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, 
+men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry 
+creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry 
+creatures from Aplha Centauri.'" 
+
+- The Book getting all nostalgic. 
+%
+"`Hey this is terrific!' Zaphod said. `Someone down there 
+is trying to kill us!'
+`Terrific,' said Arthur.
+`But don't you see what this means?'
+`Yes. We are going to die.'
+`Yes, but apart from that.'
+`APART from that?'
+`It means we must be on to something!'
+`How soon can we get off it?'"
+
+- Zaphod and Arthur in a certain death situation over Magrathea. 
+%
+"And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very 
+fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a 
+big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... 
+ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground!
+I wonder if it will be friends with me?" 
+
+- For the sperm whale, it wasn't. 
+%
+"Oh no, not again." 
+
+- A bowl of petunias on it's way to certain death. 
+%
+"`Er, hey Earthman...'
+`Arthur,' said Arthur.
+`Yeah, could you just sort of keep this robot with you and 
+guard this end of the passageway. OK?'
+`Guard?' said Arthur. `What from? You just said there's no 
+one here.'
+`Yeah, well, just for safety, OK?' said Zaphod.
+`Whose? Yours or mine?'"
+
+- Arthur drawing the short straw on Magrathea. 
+%
+"There are of course many problems connected with life, of 
+which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?' 
+`Why do they die?' `Why do they spend so much of the 
+intervening time wearing digital watches?'" 
+
+- The Book. 
+%
+"`Right,' said Ford, `I'm going to have a look.'
+He glanced round at the others.
+`Is no one going to say, "No you can't possibly, let me go 
+instead"?'
+They all shook their heads.
+`Oh well.'"
+
+- Ford attempting to be heroic whilst being seiged by Shooty and Bangbang. 
+%
+"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a 
+lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad 
+move." - The Book just recapping what happened in the last 
+book. 
+"`I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in 
+me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over 
+my pelvis.'" 
+
+- Zaphod being cool. 
+%
+"`You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'
+`Yeah,' said Zaphod, `but don't shout it out or they'll all 
+want one.'
+`THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'
+`No, just A Zaphod Bebblebrox, didn't you hear I come in 
+six packs?'
+`But sir,' it squealed, `I just heard on the sub-ether 
+radio report. It said you were dead...'
+`Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.'"
+
+- Zaphod and the Guide's receptionist. 
+%
+"The fronting for the eighty-yard-long marble-topped bar 
+had been made by stitching together nearly twenty thousand 
+Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins, despite the fact that the 
+twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed them to keep 
+their insides in." 
+
+- The Book decribing Milliways' politically incorrect decor. 
+%
+"`...and the Universe,' continued the waiter, determined 
+not to be deflected on his home stretch, `will explode 
+later for your pleasure.'
+Ford's head swivelled slowly towards him. He spoke with 
+feeling.
+`Wow,' he said, `What sort of drinks do you serve in this 
+place?'
+The waiter laughed a polite little waiter's laugh.
+`Ah,' he said, `I think sir has perhaps misunderstood me.'
+`Oh, I hope not,' breathed Ford."
+
+- Ford in paradise. 
+%
+"Zaphod grinned two manic grins, sauntered over to the bar
+and bought most of it." 
+
+- Zaphod in paradise. 
+%
+"`Maybe somebody here tipped off the Galactic Police,' said 
+Trillian. `Everybody saw you come in.'
+`You mean they want to arrest me over the phone?' said 
+Zaphod, `Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm 
+cornered.'
+`Yeah,' said a voice from under the table [Ford's now 
+completely rat-arsed at this point], `you go to pieces so 
+fast people get hit by the shrapnel.'"
+
+- Zaphod getting paranoid over a phone call. 
+%
+"`Hand me the rap-rod, Plate Captain.'
+The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in 
+confusion.
+`I beg your pardon, sir?' he said.
+`The phone, waiter,' said Zaphod, grabbing it off him. 
+`Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't 
+fall off.'"
+
+- Zaphod discovers that waiters are the least hip people in the Universe. 
+%
+"The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford 
+nevertheless weaved his way through it." 
+
+- Ford making his way out of Milliways whilst under the 
+influence of enough alcohol to make a rhino sing. 
+%
+"`The first ten million years were the worst,' said Marvin, 
+`and the second ten million, they were the worst too. The 
+third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went 
+into a bit of a decline.'" 
+
+- Marvin reflecting back on his 576,000,003,579 year 
+career as Milliways' car park attendent. 
+%
+"`Incidentally,' he said, `what does teleport mean?'
+Another moment passed.
+Slowly, the others turned to face him.
+`Probably the wrong moment to ask,' said Arthur, `It's just 
+I remember you use the word a short while ago and I only 
+bring it up because...'
+`Where,' said Ford quietly, `does it say teleport?'
+`Well, just over here in fact,' said Arthur, pointing at a 
+dark control box in the rear of the cabin, `Just under the 
+word "emergency", above the word "system" and beside the 
+sign saying "out of order".'"
+
+- Arthur finding an escape route from a certain death situation. 
+%
+"I teleported home one night
+With Ron and Sid and Meg.
+Ron stole Meggie's heart away
+And I got Sidney's leg."
+
+- A poem about matter transference beams. 
+%
+"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President 
+should on no account be allowed to do the job." 
+
+- Some wisdom from The Book. 
+%
+"`We've got to find out what people want from fire, how 
+they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.'
+The crowd were tense. They were expecting something 
+wonderful from Ford.
+`Stick it up your nose,' he said.
+`Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,' 
+insisted the girl, `Do people want fire that can be fitted 
+nasally?'"
+
+- Ford "debating" what to do with fire with a marketing 
+girl. 
+%
+"The story goes that I first had the idea for THHGTTG while 
+lying drunk in a field in Innsbruck (or `Spain' as the BBC 
+TV publicity department authoritatively has it, probably 
+because it's easier to spell)." - Foreward by DNA. 
+
+FORD 	Six pints of bitter. And quickly please, the world's about to
+	end.
+BARMAN	Oh yes, sir? Nice weather for it.
+%
+BOOK	Meanwhile, the starship has landed on the surface of Magrathea
+	and Trillian is about to make one of the most important
+	statements of her life. Its importance is not immediately
+	recognised by her companions.
+TRILL.	Hey, my white mice have escaped.
+ZAPHOD	Nuts to your white mice.
+%
+BOOK	...Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than
+	dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York,
+	wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck
+	about in the water having a good time. But conversely the
+	dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for
+	precisely the same reasons.
+%
+ARTHUR	What is an Algolian Zylatburger anyway?
+FORD	They're a kind of meatburger made from the most unpleasant parts
+	of a creature well known for its total lack of any pleasant
+	parts.
+ARTHUR	So you mean that the Universe does actually end not with a bang
+	but with a Wimpy?
+
+- Cut dialogue from Fit the Fifth. 
+%
+BOOK	There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers
+	exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
+	instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more
+	bizarrely inexplicable.
+	There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
+
+- Introduction to Fit the Seventh. 
+%
+FORD	Tell me Arthur...
+ARTHUR	Yes?
+FORD	This boulder we're stuck under, how big would you say it was? Roughly?
+ARTHUR	Oh, about the size of Coventry Cathedral.
+FORD	Do you think we could move it? (Arthur doesn't reply) Just asking.
+
+- Ford and Arthur in a tricky situation, Fit the Eighth. 
+%
+BOOK	What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground
+	underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of
+	rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to
+	you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so
+	far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely,
+	consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much
+	longer.
+
+- Comforting advice for Ford and Arthur in this current
+situation, Fit the Eighth. 
+%
+ZAPHOD	Hey, this rock...
+FORD	Marble...
+ZAPHOD	Marble...
+FORD	Ice-covered marble...
+ZAPHOD	Right... it's as slippery as... as... What's the slipperiest
+	thing you can think of?
+FORD	At the moment? This marble.
+ZAPHOD	Right. This marble is as slippery as this marble.
+
+- Zaphod and Ford trying to get a grip on things in Brontitall, Fit the Tenth. 
+%
+ARTHUR	It's not a question of whose habitat it is, it's a 
+	question of how hard you hit it.
+
+- Arthur pointing out one of the disadvantages of gravity, Fit the Tenth. 
+%
+ARTHUR	It probably seems a terrible thing to say, but you 
+	know what I sometimes think would be useful in these situations?
+LINT.	What?
+ARTHUR	A gun of some sort.
+LINT.2	Will this help?
+ARTHUR	What is it?
+LINT.2	A gun of some sort.
+ARTHUR	Oh, that'll help. Can you make it fire?
+LINT.	Er...
+F/X	DEAFENING ROAR
+LINT.	Yes.
+
+- Arthur and the Lintillas gaining the upper hand, Fit the Twelfth. 
+%
+"He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the 
+fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the 
+rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arms out wide. `I 
+will go mad!' he announced." 
+
+- Arthur discovering a way of coping with life on Prehistoric Earth. 
+%
+"`... then I decided that I was a lemon for a couple of 
+weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and 
+out of a gin and tonic.'
+Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again.
+`Where,' he said, `did you...?'
+`Find a gin and tonic?' said Ford brightly. `I found a 
+small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and jumped 
+in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it was a 
+gin and tonic.'
+`I may,' he addded with a grin which would have sent sane 
+men scampering into the trees, `have been imagining it.'"
+
+- Ford updating Arthur about what he's been doing for the past four years. 
+%
+"`Eddies,' said Ford, `in the space-time continuum.'
+`Ah,' nodded Arthur, `is he? Is he?'"
+
+- Arthur failing in his first lesson of galactic physics in four years. 
+%
+"Ford grabbed him by the lapels of his dressing gown and 
+spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if 
+he were somebody from a telephone company accounts 
+department." 
+
+- Ford trying to rectify that situation. 
+%
+"...[Arthur] leapt to his feet like an author hearing the 
+phone ring..." 
+
+- Who says that the character of Arthur isn't autobiographical? 
+%
+"Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a great 
+distance, and reluctantly. It had had some bad times in 
+there. Slowly, nervously, it entered and settled down into 
+its accustomed position.
+Arthur sat up.
+`Where am I?' he said.
+`Lord's Cricket Ground,' said Ford.
+`Fine,' said Arthur, and his consciousness stepped out 
+again for a quick breather. His body flopped back on the 
+grass."
+
+- Arthur coping with his return to Earth as best as he could. 
+%
+"`A curse,' said Slartibartfast, `which will engulf the 
+Galaxy in fire and destruction, and possibly bring the 
+Universe to a premature doom. I mean it,' he added.
+`Sounds like a bad time,' said Ford, `with luck I'll be 
+drunk enough not to notice.'"
+
+- Ford ensuring everyone knew where his priorities lay. 
+%
+"`My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland 
+and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am 
+therefore excused from saving Universes.'" 
+
+- Ford's last-ditch attempt to get out of helping Slartibartfast. 
+%
+"Trillian did a little research in the ship's copy of 
+THHGTTG. It had some advice to offer on drunkenness.
+`Go to it,' it said, `and good luck.'
+It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size of 
+the Universe and ways of coping with that."
+
+- One of the more preferable pieces of advice contained in the Guide. 
+%
+"His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. He wasn't 
+certain if this was because they were trying to see more 
+clearly, or if they simply wanted to leave at this point." 
+
+- Arthur trying to see who had diverted him from going to a party. 
+%
+"Arthur yawed wildly as his skin tried to jump one way and 
+his skeleton the other, whilst his brain tried to work out 
+which of his ears it most wanted to crawl out of.
+`Bet you weren't expecting to see me again,' said the 
+monster, which Arthur couldn't help thinking was a strange 
+remark for it to make, seeing as he had never met the 
+creature before. He could tell that he hadn't met the 
+creature before from the simple fact that he was able to 
+sleep at nights." 
+
+- Arthur discovering who had diverted him from going to a party. 
+%
+"`That young girl is one of the least benightedly 
+unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound 
+lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.'" 
+
+- Marvin's first ever compliment about anybody. 
+%
+"Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. 
+Then he realised there was a contradiction there and merely 
+hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." 
+
+- Arthur realising that he's in a certain death situation 
+with a supernova bomb that is shaped like a cricket ball. 
+%
+"`Credit?' he said. `Aaaargggh...'
+These two words are usually coupled together in the Old 
+Pink Dog Bar."
+
+- Ford in a spot of bother. 
+%
+"`...we might as well start with where your hand is now.'
+Arthur said, `So which way do I go?'
+`Down,' said Fenchurch, `on this occasion.'
+He moved his hand.
+`Down,' she said, `is in fact the other way.'
+`Oh yes.'"
+
+- Arthur trying to discover which part of Fenchurch is wrong. 
+%
+"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily 
+escaped the chronicler's mind." 
+
+- This line perhaps best sums up the whole book. 
+%
+"The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred 
+character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in 
+at number 79. ....
+When it's fall in New York, the air smells as if someone's 
+been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breathe the 
+best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a 
+building." 
+
+- Nuff said?? 
+%
+"`What's been happening here?' he demanded.
+`Oh just the nicest things, sir, just the nicest things. 
+can I sit on your lap please?'"
+"`Colin, I am going to abandon you to your fate.'
+`I'm so happy.'"
+"`It will be very, very nasty for you, and that's just too 
+bad. Got it?'
+`I gurgle with pleasure.'"
+
+- Ford and Colin the robot. 
+%
+"What the hell, he thought, you're only young once, and 
+threw himself out of the window. That would at least keep 
+the element of surprise on his side." 
+
+- Ford outwitting a Vogon with a rocket launcher by going 
+into another certain death situation. 
+%
+"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong 
+and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a 
+thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually 
+turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." 
+
+- One of the laws of computers and programming revealed. 
+%
+"`You know they've reintroduced the death penalty for 
+insurance company directors?'
+`Really?' said Arthur. `No I didn't. For what offence?'
+Trillian frowned.
+`What do you mean, offence?'
+`I see.'"
+
+- Evidence that there will be some justice in the Universe eventually. 
+%
+"`She hit me on the head with the rock again.'
+`I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.'
+`Sweet kid.'
+`You have to get to know her,' said Arthur.
+`She eases up does she?'
+`No,' said Arthur, `but you get a better sense of when to 
+duck.'"
+
+- Ford and Arthur on Random. 
+%
+"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable 
+end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small 
+unregarded yellow sun. "
+%
+"Ah, " said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage 
+of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of. "
+%
+"I don't know, " said the voice on the PA, "apathetic 
+bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all. "
+%
+"Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that 
+anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely 
+by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the 
+final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
+"The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove 
+that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and 
+without faith I am nothing.'
+"`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't 
+it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you 
+exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. 
+QED.'
+%
+"Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz smiled very slowly. This was done 
+not so much for effect as because he was trying to remember 
+the sequence of muscle movements. "
+%
+"OK, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million 
+for good thinking, yeah? "
+%
+"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, 
+men were real men, women were real women, and small furry 
+creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry 
+creatures from Alpha Centauri. "
+%
+"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or 
+so, nothing continued to happen. "
+%
+(aikamuotojen käyttö aikamatkustuksessa)
+"You can arrive (mayan arivan on-when) for any sitting you 
+like without prior (late fore-when) reservation because you 
+can book retrospectively, as it were when you return to 
+your own time. (you can have on-book haventa forewhen 
+presooning returningwenta retrohome.) "
+%
+"The suit into which the man's body had been stuffed looked 
+as if it's only purpose in life was to demonstrate how 
+difficult it was to get this sort of body into a suit. "
+%
+"He dropped his voice still lower. In the stillness, a fly 
+would not have dared clear its throat. " 
+%
+"And finally, " said Max, quieting the audience down and 
+putting on his solemn face, "finally I believe we have with 
+us here tonight, a party of believers, very devout 
+believers, from the Church of the Second Coming of the 
+Great Prophet Zarquon. " ... "There they are, " said Max, 
+"sitting there, patiently. He said he'd come again, and 
+he's kept you waiting a long time, so let's hope he's 
+hurrying fellas, because he's only got eight minutes left! "
+%
+"As he came into the light they could see his black and 
+gold uniform on which the buttons were so highly polished 
+that they shone with an intensity that would have made an 
+approaching motorist flash his lights in annoyance. " 
+%
+"You're very sure of your facts, " he said at last, "I 
+couldn't trust the thinking of a man who takes the Universe 
+- if there is one - for granted. "
+%
+"What are you talking about? "
+"Never mind, eat the fruit. "
+"You know, this place almost looks like the Garden of Eden. 
+"
+"Eat the fruit. "
+"Sounds quite like it too. "
+%
+"Rome wasn't burned in a day. "
+%
+"Does it worry you that you don't talk any kind of sense? "
+%
+"One's never alone with a rubber duck. "
+%
+"Another world, another day, another dawn. "
+%
+"He expanded his chest to make it totally clear that here 
+was the sort of man you only dared to cross if you had a 
+team of Sherpas with you. "
+%
+"It was real. At least, if it wasn't real, it did support 
+them, and as that is what sofas are supposed to do, this, 
+by any test that mattered, was a real sofa. "
+%
+Arthur said, "So which way do I go? "
+"Down, " said Fenchurch, "on this occasion. "
+He moved his hand.
+"Down, " she said, "is in fact the other way. "
+"Oh yes. "
+%
+"You're one hundred percent positive that the ship which is 
+crashed on the bottom of this ocean is the ship which you 
+said you were one hundred percent positive could one 
+hundred percent positively never crash? "
+%
+"Yes, it's the right planet, all right, " he said again. 
+"Right planet, wrong universe. "
+%
+"Ford had his own code of ethics. It wasn't much of one, 
+but it was his and he stuck by it, more or less. One rule 
+he made was never to buy his own drinks. He wasn't sure if 
+that counted as an ethic, but you have to go with what 
+you've got. "
+%
+"Arthur felt at a bit of a loss. There was a whole Galaxy 
+of stuff out there for him, and he wondered if it was 
+churlish of him to complain to himself that it lacked just 
+two things: the world he was born on and the woman he 
+loved. "
+%
+"What was the self-sacrifice? "
+"I jettisoned half of a much loved and I think 
+irreplaceable pair of shoes. "
+"Why was that self-sacrifice? "
+"Because they were mine! " said Ford crossly.
+"I think we have different value systems. "
+"Well mine's better. "
+"That's according to your... oh never mind. "

plugins/hitchhiker/hitchhiker.plugin.zsh

@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+# hitchhiker: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fortunes
+
+# Automatically generate or update Hitchhicker's compiled fortune data file
+# $0 must be used outside a local function. This variable name is unlikly to collide.
+HITCHHIKER_PLUGIN_DIR=${0:h}
+
+() {
+local DIR=$HITCHHIKER_PLUGIN_DIR/fortunes
+if [[ ! -f $DIR/hitchhiker.dat ]] || [[ $DIR/hitchhiker.dat -ot $DIR/hitchhiker ]]; then
+  # For some reason, Cygwin puts strfile in /usr/sbin, which is not on the path by default
+  local strfile=strfile
+  if ! which strfile &>/dev/null && [[ -f /usr/sbin/strfile ]]; then
+    strfile=/usr/sbin/strfile
+  fi
+  if which $strfile &> /dev/null; then
+    $strfile $DIR/hitchhiker $DIR/hitchhiker.dat >/dev/null
+  else
+    echo "[oh-my-zsh] hitchhiker depends on strfile, which is not installed" >&2
+    echo "[oh-my-zsh] strfile is often provided as part of the 'fortune' package" >&2
+  fi
+fi
+
+# Aliases
+alias hitchhiker="fortune -a $DIR"
+alias hitchiker_cow="chuck | cowthink"
+}
+
+unset HITCHHIKER_PLUGIN_DIR