diff --git a/plugins/chucknorris/LICENSE b/plugins/chucknorris/LICENSE
deleted file mode 100644
index 5f40edd1e..000000000
--- a/plugins/chucknorris/LICENSE
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,2 +0,0 @@
-License: GPL v2
-Thanks to http://www.k-lug.org/~kessler/projects.html for the fortune file.
diff --git a/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris b/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris
index b8edf9ac3..071b89fa8 100644
--- a/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris
+++ b/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris
@@ -1,904 +1,2520 @@
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. 
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. 
-Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. 
+Chuck Norris can watch the radio.
 %
-On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. 
+Chuck Norris was heard in a soundproof room!
 %
-Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick can cure any injury or sickness. Ironically, it is impossible to survive one.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! 
+Chuck Norris is no man, no woman, no God, no Devil. Chuck Norris is simply Chuck Norris.
 %
-In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. 
+The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
 %
-Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. 
+when chuck norris has heartburn he doesn't use rolaids, he drinks napalm
 %
-Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. 
+The place known as the Bermuda Triangle is actually the secret location of Chuck Norris' dojo
 %
-Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" 
+In Pokemon FireRed and LeafGreen, you can only catch 386 Pokemon. In the same game, Chuck Norris can catch all 719 Pokemon. With a Pokeball.
 %
-Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. 
+Chuck Norris can jump out of a bottomless pit.
 %
-Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. 
+The reason spontaneous combustion happens is because Chuck Norris causes it with his breath.
 %
-If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. 
+Chuck norris doesn't turn on the shower he looks at it untill it crys
 %
-Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds. 
+Chuck Norris has never shaved because he has yet to find a blade sharp enough to cut through awesome 
 %
-Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb. 
+Chuck Norris Taught Dumbledore how to use magic... without a wand. 
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. 
-The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"? not even close. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life." 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 
-1:Heart disease 
-2:Chuck Norris 
-3:Cancer
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day. 
+When Chuck Norris saw The Last Airbender he killed everyone who worked in the movie
 %
-Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever. 
+Chuck Norris can run.... while walking
 %
-Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place. 
+Chuck Norris watches the sunset in the morning!
 %
-Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back. 
+C_H_U_C_K_N_O_R_R_I_S are the only letter you need to know....
 %
-Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris raised the Titanic......with his fishing rod.
 %
-Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way. 
+Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter.
 %
-The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales. 
+When Chuck Norris sees to the horizon, he see his own head.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. 
+Chuck Norris can eat string spagetti...with a spoon.
 %
-As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. 
+The flat screen tv was invented when Chuck Norris accidentally roundhouse kicked his while working out to a tai-bo video.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick. 
+Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can lick his own elbow... (to remove the blood of his victims)
 %
-Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking. 
+When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
 %
-Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris" 
+Chuck Norris knew that the bird is the word before The Trashmen did!
 %
-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. 
+Spongebob was originally round and had a deep voice. Chuck Norris got pissed and roundhouse kicked him 4 times. The last kick changed his voice.
 %
-Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. 
-If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris." 
-Too late, asshole. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division". 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-When the movie Pulp Fiction was filmed they had to borrow Chuck Norris's wallet... It's the one that says "Bad Mother Fucker" on it 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends" 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he fucking MEANS it. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb?
-A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.� 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time. 
+When Chuck Norris dies, He roundhouse kicks his ass back to earth
 %
-Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks. 
+If you type “Chuck Norris” into the Google search bar and click the I’m Feeling Lucky button, your computer round house kicks you in the face holes.
 %
-Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.
 %
-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 
+Duct tape can fix anything, Chuck Norris can BRAKE anything
 %
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 
+Why IS the Incredible Hulk green? He saw Chuck Norris.
 %
-"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. 
+Careful how many Chuck Norris facts you sumbit to this site.  If you get declined enough times, Chuck Norris will find you...
 %
-When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'." 
+Chuck Norris can cough in 7 different languages.
+%
+When Chuck Norris says "Jump"... it's already too late.
+%
+Chuck Norris can write a scarier book than Stephen King using refrigerator magnets
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, light cannot find him.
+%
+When Chuck Norris' chidren use the line, "But DAD said I could do it," it works.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief the Death Star was destroyed by Chuck Norris, not Luke Skywalker.
+%
+Chuck Norris can fly a plane backwards.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick the white off of rice.
+%
+Chuck Norris does have skwat
+%
+Chuck Norris once haunted this baby and it still screams today. That person is Justin Bieber
+%
+Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked a man between the legs so hard. Thus the first Breast implant was made
+%
+Blake Shelton said on stage "is there anyone cooler than Usher" . Chuck Norris Payed Blake a visit after his show
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast that he can visit 12 planets at the same time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can disarranged the alphabet letters alphabetically
+%
+Chuck Norris couldn't go to school because he was considered a weapon.
+%
+Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it - what we know as Red Bull. 
+%
+Chuck Norris invented left and right just so he could roundhouse kick people in both directions.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
+%
+Chuck Norris can't fly because everytime he catches a flight, he can't help killing it.
+%
+Chuck Norris beat Rocky Balboa
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck's fists make the speed of sound wish it was faster.
+%
+Chuck Norris recreats gravity in his own image. So he walks upside down on water.
+%
+Astronauts don't need a rocket to go to the moon, Chuck Norris just throws them there. 
+%
+Sinead O'Connor’s song “Nothing Compares To You” is a tribute to Chuck Norris.
+%
+If Chuck Norris were osteoporosis, he would make old ladies moan.
+%
+When Chuck Norris dies, he won't push up daisies; he'll push up venus flytraps.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes
+%
+Chuck Norris has 4 pet horses.  They are white, fiery red, black, and pale, respectively.  
+%
+A bird in the hand is actually worth Chuck Norris in the bush.
+%
+Somebody once shot a .44 magnum towards Chuck Norris' head.  The bullet stopped and went back into the gun out of sheer terror.
+%
+Chuck Norris can not only take the words out of your mouth, he can kill you with them.
+%
+Chuck Norris passed a class with an F
+%
+Chuck Norris wrote Vampires Suck, because he was angry at Stephanie Meyer.  He didn't feel like roundhouse kicking anyone that day.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a rap battle without rhyming.
+%
+Chuck Norris can locate the nowhere.
+%
+Droid does, but Chuck Norris already did
+%
+Why are there no Chuck Norris LEGOs?  Because no one can take Chuck Norris apart.
+%
+Chuck Norris played through the fire and flames in expert 100%, and drums and guitar at the same time
+%
+The wonders of the world were just places where Chuck Norris got creative 
+%
+I got a tattoo of Chuck Norris on my own leg...now it won't stop roundhouse kicking me in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris ate out of the Superbowl.
+%
+The forbidden name in Harry Potter was originally Chuck Norris, but then the director got killed by saying it.
+%
+Chuck Norris made Clint Eastwood's day.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes; he steps on necks.
+%
+Gordon Ramsey answers "YES CHEF!" to Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris can BBM with a Nokia
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+If you can hear death coming, rest assured it isn't Chuck Norris.
+%
+Super massive black holes are caused by Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking galaxies
+%
+Some people fold dollar bills into swans, Chuck Norris folds dimes into peoples foreheads. 
+%
+The ancient Norwegian spelling of Chuck Norris is 'Thor', and Mjolnir is actually Chuck's.......
+%
+Chuck Norris has lit a fire at the bottom of the lake (with matches)
+%
+If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
+%
+Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
+%
+Once a man crossing the street insulted Chuck Norris. He was instantly hit by a bus. At least, that's what people think happened.
+%
+If Chuck Norris were driving this bus, we'd already be there
+%
+People drink red bull. The Red bull only drinks Chuck Norris...
+%
+Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick can cure any injury or sickness. Ironically, it is impossible to survive one.
+%
+We do infact, live in 5 dimensions; height, width, length, time, and Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris can be a logger in a world with no trees.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
+%
+Daylights saving time was only invented so Chuck Norris could have one hour extra sleep
+%
+Chuck will cry only on his death.
+%
+They said that not even God could sink the Titanic. The iceberg story was a cover-up to avoid embarrassment. It really collided with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Sticks and stones may break my bones but Chuck Norris will roundhouse your chin
+%
+Lightning never strikes twice in the same place because Chuck Norris told it not to.
+%
+Chuck Norris can hide an elephant in a mousehole.
+%
+Cocaine is Chuck Norris' dandruff
+%
+Chuck Norris can do the splits in mid air,rotate his hips 360'' so fast it lifts him off the ground thus making the Chuck Copter!
+%
+If Chuck Norris wants it to be ebb, he simply says that.
+%
+Chuck Norris can melt paper and burn fire.
+%
+Chuck Norris occasionally plays hackysack with small boulders, like Mount Rushmore.
+%
+Chuck Norris sends his beard clippings  to the police.  They are used as bullet proof vests. 
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
+%
+Chuck norris made the nervous system everyone has it because everyone is scared of him o.0
+%
+When Chuck Norris has a bone to pick, it's always the jawbone.
+%
+When Chuck Norris plays space invaders the world gets abducted by aliens
+%
+Chuck Norris pees Adamantium
+%
+Chuck Norris stole Christmas back from the Grinch and made his heart 4 sizes bigger with a roundhouse kick.
+%
+Chuck Norris can teleport himself anywhere in the universe by simply using a Casio calculator watch.
+%
+For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
+%
+In 2012, the first world leader is expected to emerge...his name? You guessed it, Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not believe in walls.
+%
+Chuck Norris can handle the truth.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only person that can get buffalo wings from a real buffalo.
+%
+Chuck Norris can jump start a car simply by holding the battery terminals
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+When his Playstation 2 quit on him, he got angry and judo-chopped it so hard that it became a PS3.
+%
+Chuck Norris wrote his own IMDB profile using the power of his beard
+%
+When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't ride in elevators. The elevator rides around Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky
+%
+Pluto used to be considered a planet... Until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it out of the list
+%
+Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
+%
+Chuck Norris can kill you when his arms and legs are behind his back. It's because he has an extra fist in his beard.
+%
+Chuck Norris climbed Mountain Dew.
+%
+On Mortal Combat Chuck Norris only has 1 move, roundhouse kick, but it's 1 hit kill
+%
+Chuck Norris once bought a Ferrari. He sold it only after an hour, because the Ferrari is slower than his crawl 
+%
+Chuck Norris can drive a solar-powered car at night.
+%
+The most reliable form of renewable energy is found in CnRhk (Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick) but the tehnology to harness it just hasn't been invented.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Cops don't need a badges in their wallets but only a picture of Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.
+%
+Chuck Norris made Clint Eastwood's day.
+%
+C.I.A. = Chuck Is Awesome
+%
+If Chuck Norris needs a gun, he sticks two fingers out and shoots. If he needs a silencer, he takes his other hand and wraps it around his fingers.
+%
+Chuck Norris thrives on arsenic and redefines life as we know it.
+%
+When Chuck Norris inhales helium his voice does not change.
+%
+Chuck Norris can post 151 character long facts about himself.
+%
+Chuck Norris once had a street named after him. But the name removed at once, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris, and lives
+%
+There is no such thing as a Chuck Norris joke, only a Chuck Norris fact, because if you joke about Chuck Norris you would be dead.
+%
+When Chuck Norris eats a skittle he doesn't taste the rainbow he makes the rainbow 
+%
+Chuck Norris has three meals a day; blood, sweat, and tears.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't actually play any musical instrument. When Chuck Norris comes near, it plays itself and Chuck Norris just has to hold it.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight
+%
+Stonehedge was built by Chuck Norris himself
+%
+The people who wrote this song about Chuck Norris spelt it wrong, it's supposed to be "Silent Knight"
+%
+Freddy krueger is scared to sleep because chuck norris might show up and roundhouse kick him
+%
+Chuck Norris is so great there is no need to make this joke funny.
+%
+Chuck Norris can actually punch you in your soul.
+%
+Chuck Norris has Pop Rocks and Coke for breakfast.
+%
+If you look closely at a picture of Atlas holding up the World, below you will see Chuck Norris holding up both of them.
+%
+A Chuck Norris divided against himself CAN stand
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't need sunglasses, the sun needs Chuck Norris glasses
+%
+NASA beams episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger to outer space as a warning for Aliens of what will happen if they invade Earth.
+%
+Chuck Norris was born tomorrow and is gonna start living yesterday.
+%
+Chuck Norris once fell while climbing in California. It is now known as the San Andreas Fault
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
+%
+Chuck Norris CAN keep up with the Joneses
+%
+Whenever Chuck Norris eats a Chinese dinner, he uses toothpicks as his chopsticks.
+%
+Chuck Norris can make Joker became serious
+%
+Chuck Norris can complete the Cinnamon Challenge, with his mouth taped shut.
+%
+Once, Chuck Norris was asked to fight The Most Interesting Man in the World.  Chuck Norris cock slammed him so hard, they felt the Earth move in Haiti
+%
+Chuck Norris never breaks the law. He obliterates it.
+%
+The only thing faster than the speed of light is the speed of Chuck Norris' fist
+%
+Chuck Norris wasn't born, he just exists.
+%
+Unlike Justin Bieber, Chuck Norris CAN walk through glass doors.
+%
+The only thing to fear is fear itself.........and Chuck Norris!
+%
+If Chuck Norris was a yu-gi-oh card it's effect would be make all monster DEF turn to 0, because there is no such thing as defence from Chuck Norris
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go fishing when he's hungry. He just chooses a lake to be soup.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Actually, Chuck Norris killed two stones with one beard.  The dude who posted it wrong is now moments away from a painful death.
+%
+Chuck Norris won the Superbowl, NBA Finals, Stanley Cup, and the World Series all in the same year... alone
+%
+Kevin Garnett was crying and exclaimed "Anything is Possible!" not because they won the NBA championship. He was just thinking about Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck was hit by a car once, the car was in critical condition.
+%
+When Chuck Norris takes a bath he does not get clean, the water gets dirty.
+%
+Clifford the Big Red Dog was a runt...until Chuck Norris adopted him.
+%
+Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.
+%
+Chuck Norris ran in an Iron Man competition, raced up to the announcer, and t-bagged him in the face all within the blink of .000000000000 seconds
+%
+Chuck Norris' phone doesn't vibrate, it shakes with fear!
+%
+Chuck Norris cleans his grill with his beard
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle – you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris once went to a Chiropractor and straightened HIM out.
+%
+Chuck Norris has never acted in a movie or tv show, he just shows up, round house kicks someone and gets paid.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris can build a campfire under water
+%
+Facebook created Chuck Norris account without username and password because Chuck Norris doesn't need it to Log in.
+%
+When Chuck Norris has an opinion, everyone agrees.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't have a break for a Kit-Kat, a Kit-Kat has a break for Chuck Norris.
+%
+The last time Chuck Norris played battleship, it was called Pearl Harbor
+%
+Chuck never auditioned for Walker Texas Ranger,  a camera crew turned up at his house and secretly filmed him.
+%
+Chuck Norris knows when to quit.  He just hasn't ever found it necessary.
+%
+One day Michael Jackson challenged Chuck Norris into a dancing contest. That was on June 25th 2009. Guess who won.
+%
+Chuck Norris is all fingers and thumbs. in your face.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't need extra batteries; his stuff runs on fear.
+%
+Fast food is slow by Chuck Norris' standards.
+%
+Chuck Norris' force is more powerful then gravity itself.
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris can wash his clothes in a dryer
+%
+Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting
+%
+When Chuck Norris stares at the Sun, the Sun goes blind.
+%
+The 300 is actually the retelling of Chuck Norris's time in the army.
+%
+Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it, too.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't swim with dolphins, he bikes with them!
+%
+How come The Chinese and Indians outnumber Americans by billions? Because after Bruce Lee died the number 1 cause of death is in America: Chuck Norris
+%
+The speed of light is the only speed that was recorded to be 20000000000mph slower than chuck norris' "kill" speed
+%
+Chuck Norris kills 99.9% of germs. The rest commit suicide.
+%
+When Chuck Norris asks you to stop mid-sentence, you
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't fly through the air; the air moves out of Chuck Norris's way.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
+%
+Chuck Norris can deny the "License Agreement" and still be able to install the software
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris throws you into a bottomless pit, you hit the bottom.
+%
+OMG Chuck Norris is right behind you 
+%
+Chuck Norris knows when you are sleeping, and he knows when you're awake. But the only present he'll ever bring you is a roundhouse kick to the face.
+%
+You can thank Chuck Norris that Osama bin Laden is at least on dialysis.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't look for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
+%
+If Chuck Norris fights with himself, he'll win TWICE!
+%
+The Walking Dead is a support group for Chuck Norris victims
+%
+Chuck norris invented the straw. His enemies must eat somehow.
+%
+Chuck Norris kicked Matthew Fox and he got Lost
+%
+Charlie Sheen calls it 'winning'.  Winning calls it 'Chuck Norris'.
+%
+They say death by a 1000 lashes was the most painful way to die, that was before they got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't get lost in the jungle, the jungle gets lost in Chuck Norris' beard.
+%
+There is only one fact....Chuck Norris!!!
+%
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+%
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+%
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+%
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+%
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+%
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+%
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+%
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+%
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+%
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+%
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+%
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+%
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+%
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+%
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+%
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+%
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+%
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+%
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+%
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+%
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+%
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+%
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+%
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+%
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+%
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+%
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+%
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+%
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+%
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+%
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+%
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+%
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+%
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+%
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+%
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+%
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+%
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+%
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+%
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+%
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+%
+Chuck Norris can travel by paper airplane.
+%
+The dinosaurs aren't extinct. They're just hiding from Chuck Norris. 
+%
+Astrological fact: The date on which Chuck allowed you to be born will determine your Norriscope.
+%
+Chuck Norris once cured a blind man. Too bad the last thing he ever saw was Chuck's boot.
+%
+Next time you get into a car, check the back seats, Chuck Norris can be there.
+%
+Chuck Norris found Waldo, roundhoused him, into space. that's why the world can't find him.
+%
+There's no such thing as air-conditioning, that's just Chuck Norris breathing at a constant rate.
+%
+When Chuck Norris parties he doesn't throw up, he throws down
+%
+If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck then it's probably someone roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.
+%
+Chuck Norris never swam. Every time he was about to get in a pool the water ran away in terror!
+%
+Chuck Norris can block a punch with his face.
+%
+Once, during a game of Monopoly, Chuck Norris ate $723 dollars, 2 train stations, a get-out-of-jail-free card, and the banker
 %
 Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body. 
 %
-One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he fucking kills people. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy! 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement". 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch. 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-Chuck Norris can taste lies. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. 
+Wheaties is the Breakfast of Champions. Champions are the Breakfast of Chuck Norris.
 %
-One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio. 
+Chuck Norris sweeps the floor using his eyelashes.
 %
-Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier. 
+Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
 %
-In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere. 
+Chuck Norris complained to the restaurant that there was a waiter in his soup.
 %
-Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. 
+Every line in a Chuck Norris haiku is "A roundhouse kick to the face."  And they all have the correct number of syllables. 
 %
-They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him. 
+The Death Star wasn't yet truly operational when Princess Leia was a captive on board. The Emperor actually hired Chuck Norris to destroy Alderaan.
 %
-Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house. 
+Chuck Norris is both a rock and a hard place.
 %
-Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head. 
+Chuck Norris Made Wilhelm scream...
 %
-When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped. 
+Chuck Norris IS hot blooded, check it and see, however the last person who attempted to check Chuck's temperature got cold response.
 %
-4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths. 
+Chuck Norris received his pilots license by just looking at an airplane.
 %
-Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't laugh, he chuckles.
 %
-The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
-Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors. 
+Simalar to Link's sword in The Legend of Zelda, Chuck Norris can shoot fist beams, as well as roundhouse kick beams to get you from a long distance.
 %
-With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. 
+Chuck Norris used to love playing with spinning tops as a child  these are now known as black holes 
 %
-The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death. 
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight? 
+Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. 
+Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this? 
+Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick. 
+Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano. 
+When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper. 
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean. 
+Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver. 
+Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart. 
+Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match. 
+Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. 
+Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris. 
+Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking. 
+If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives. 
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face. 
+There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy. 
+The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time. 
+Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood. 
+The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult. 
+Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard. 
+Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. 
+Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus. 
+Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around. 
+Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not. 
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
-Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. 
+Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease" 
+Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost. 
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. 
+When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris. 
+The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist. 
+CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy. 
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan. 
+What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. 
+Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face. 
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
-As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge. 
+Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told. 
+Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie". 
+A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris. 
+Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time. 
+Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing. 
+Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath. 
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning. 
+Chuck Norris can buy Adidas shoes from Nike
 %
-Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car. 
+Chuck Norris can beat a ski jump with a hop, skip and jump
 %
-Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol. 
+Note to everyone: Please do not give beans to Chuck Norris or do you want another atombomb on hiroshima?
 %
-Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine. 
+The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
 %
-The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence. 
+Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
 %
-Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out. 
+Chuck Norris has never won a single fight. Winning would imply some sort of competition or chance that he could loose. 
 %
-Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her. 
+Look behind you, HE'S THERE
 %
-A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time. 
+Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that never loses the game
 %
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. 
+Stewie's head is shaped like a football because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him for stealing his motto. "Victory is mine!"
 %
-Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets. 
+There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"… not even close.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil. 
+Chuck Norris can watch T.V even when the electricity is off!
 %
-Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. 
+When playing Oblivion, Chuck Norris CAN escape the masters vigilance
 %
-When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary. 
-%
-Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die. 
-%
-Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag. 
-%
-There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first. 
-%
-A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. 
-%
-Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe. 
-%
-In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time. 
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. 
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets. 
-%
-For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest. 
-%
-In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character. 
-%
-We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. 
-%
-Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!" 
-%
-It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion. 
-%
-The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'. 
-%
-Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists. 
-%
-The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris" This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish. 
-%
-Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV. 
-%
-Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face. 
-%
-Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile. 
-%
-Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on. 
-%
-When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul. 
-%
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 
-%
-Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting. 
-%
-If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you. 
-%
-Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. 
-%
-Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states. 
-%
-A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay. 
-%
-Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo. 
-%
-They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody. 
-%
-Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower. 
-%
-"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot. 
-%
-Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter. 
-%
-After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?" 
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares. 
-%
-When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help. 
-%
-There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. 
-%
-Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason. 
-%
-Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris. 
-%
-The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. 
-%
-Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. 
-%
-Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond. 
-%
-Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked. 
-%
-The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. 
-%
-Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
-%
-Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf. 
-%
-Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich. 
-%
-For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels. 
-%
-The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close. 
-%
-Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota. 
-%
-Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass motherfucker that is. 
-%
-TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion. 
-%
-After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history. 
-%
-Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards. 
-%
-"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song. 
-%
-Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. 
-%
-Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires. 
-%
-When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes. 
-%
-Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims. 
-%
-In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard. 
-%
-Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours. 
-%
-They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them. 
-%
-There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris. 
-%
-Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. 
-%
-When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon. 
-%
-One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist. 
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer. 
-%
-Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face. 
-%
-Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does. 
-%
-The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter. 
-%
-Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone. 
-%
-The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris. 
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants. 
-%
-Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi. 
-%
-Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode. 
-%
-The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees. 
-%
-When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. 
-%
-Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball. 
-%
-According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers. 
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood. 
-%
-Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times. 
-%
-The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime. 
-%
-Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. 
-%
-Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's fucking head off. 
-%
-Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people. 
-%
-Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ. 
-%
-They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." 
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis. 
-%
-A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move. 
-%
-Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel. 
-%
-In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep. 
-%
-Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God." 
-%
-"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. 
-%
-Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport. 
-%
-Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight. 
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists. 
-%
-In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man. 
-%
-Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper. 
-%
-When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. 
-%
-Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts". 
-%
-Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire. 
-%
-Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed. 
-%
-Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time. 
-%
-Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot. 
-%
-Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice. 
-%
-Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead. 
-%
-Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale. 
-%
-Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris." 
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels. 
-%
-For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed. 
-%
-Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi. 
-%
-Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal. 
-%
-Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand. 
-%
-Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women. 
-%
-Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get. 
-%
-For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY. 
-%
-There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris. 
-%
-During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds. 
-%
-Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter. 
-%
-Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. 
-%
-Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven. 
-%
-Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class. 
-%
-Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower. 
-%
-The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. 
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can. 
-%
-Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie. 
-%
-Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate. 
-%
-Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk. 
-%
-Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet. 
-%
-Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back. 
-%
-If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul. 
-%
-Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover. 
-%
-He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris ? dies. 
-%
-Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants. 
-%
-Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples. 
-%
-Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain. 
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma. 
+Chuck Norris had six kids, they were called SEAL TEAM 6
 %
diff --git a/plugins/chucknorris/tools/scrape-norris.zsh b/plugins/chucknorris/tools/scrape-norris.zsh
new file mode 100755
index 000000000..908625fb2
--- /dev/null
+++ b/plugins/chucknorris/tools/scrape-norris.zsh
@@ -0,0 +1,65 @@
+#!/bin/zsh
+#
+# scrape-norris.zsh
+#
+# Scrape Chuck Norris facts from chucknorrisfacts.com to fortune file format.
+#
+# Usage:
+#   ./tools/scrape-norris.zsh [n_pages_to_scrape]
+#
+# You may need to do `zsh ./tools/scrape-norrish.zsh ...` if the file isn't executable
+# or your zsh is at a nonstandard location.
+#
+# This rebuilds the chucknorris source file from the source on the web.
+#
+# The output file format is the '\n%'-separated string file format used by fortune's
+# `strfile` utility.
+#
+# This is a development tool. You only need to run it if you're a maintainer of the
+# chucknorris plugin, and want to modify the main fortune file for checking back in
+# to the distribution. If you're a normal user, the source file is already there and 
+# you don't need to use this.
+#
+# This script was created by looking at the URLs used by the target website. 
+# There's no public API. This is a total hack and is liable to break at any time.
+# All the parsing code is specific to the format used by the chucknorris.com page
+# as of 2/26/2015.
+#
+# This script is intended to be executable and run in its own shell. It assumes it's
+# independent, and leaks variables whenever it wants.
+#
+# Dependencies: perl, fortune
+
+if [[ -n $1 ]]; then
+	npages=$1
+else
+	npages=20
+fi
+outfile="fortunes/chucknorris"
+# Page that presents
+chuckpage='http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/all-chuck-norris-facts'
+rm $outfile
+echo Fetching from Chuck repository: $chuckpage
+echo Fetching $npages pages worth of fortunes
+for (( i = 1; i <= $npages; i++ )) do
+	curl -s $chuckpage\?page\=$i | perl -MHTML::Entities -ne \
+		'/<span class="field-content"><a href.*?>(.*?)</m && print decode_entities("$1\n%\n")' \
+		>> $outfile
+done
+nlines=$(wc -l $outfile | perl -ne '/(\d+)/ && print "$1"')
+(( nfacts = nlines / 2 ))
+echo Fetched $nfacts Chuck Norris facts
+
+echo New fortune source file built at $outfile with $nfacts Chuck Norris facts
+
+# Validate outfile format using fortune
+dummyfile=$(mktemp -t chucknorris-scrape)
+nparsedlines=$(strfile $outfile $dummyfile | perl -ne '/There were (\d+) strings/m && print $1')
+if [[ $nparsedlines -ne $nfacts ]]; then
+	echo "WARNING: DATA INTEGRITY CHECK FAILURE"
+	echo "WARNING: Got $nfacts sayings but fortune saw $nparsedlines lines."
+	echo "WARNING: This probably means I had a parsing error and the new file is bad."
+	echo "WARNING: Do not commit these changes without manual review and verification."
+	echo "WARNING: Failure to review properly may endanger correctness of the Norris database!"
+fi
+